Transfiguration Sunday has become Our Whole Lives Sunday at Billings First Church. As a result, Kim Harris, our Youth and Young Adult Minister has shared her reflections on the Our Whole Lives curriculum and its content. So this is her message from today, sharing a powerful message about sexuality and gender.
Because our service was so chock full of content today, I decided to cut my message. It can be found in its entirety below Kim's great message. I do think the messages nicely dovetail. If you or you want your child or young person to participate in this great curriculum, classes are happening soon. You can contact Kim by emailing her here.
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Transfiguration BFC 2016
Our Whole
Lives Presentation-Kim Harris
February 7,
2016
Imagine you wake up tomorrow morning like you do every
morning with the same thoughts and feelings as you always have, everything in
your life seems normal and the same, you still feel like you on the
inside….everything except your body is physically the opposite gender. Would
you dress the same given that your gender has changed? Can you imagine how your life would be? How
would your co-workers react to you if you were outwardly the opposite gender,
how would your family treat you, how would your friends act towards you……would
you even have the same friends, the same job and career, the same hobbies? How
different would your life be? What would
be some difficulties or struggles you would have; would there be frustrations?
How frustrating would it be to feel like one gender on the inside and yet look
like the other gender on the outside so that everyone treats you and expects
you to act and think and feel like the gender THEY see. This is just a
simplified glimpse into what many people that are transgendered live with every
day. An exercise just like this visualization is one of the activities we use
with our 4-6 grade class to begin the conversation about gender identity and
the sexuality spectrum.
Society has become more and more gender normative obsessed,
unfortunately, as we have come into the 20th and 21st
centuries. Historically, most people believe that sexuality and even gender are
very concrete and you are either one or the other. One is either gay or
straight, someone is either a boy or a girl/ male or female. This is just
simply not true. Sexuality, and in many
instances gender, is anything but black and white and concrete. The basis of
the Our Whole Lives program is to teach our children, youth, young adults and
adults that sexuality is holistic and includes not only the physical aspect,
but emotions, communication, relationships, how we care for our bodies to keep
them healthy; and, yes, sexual orientation and gender identity. Our Whole Lives
is based on, and focuses around, the five circles of sexuality: sensuality, intimacy, sexualization, sexual
health and reproduction and sexual identity. If we look back in history, many
‘societies’ were just as strict, yet what we now hold as hard and fast rules
for what men and women wear are actually not set in stone and very different
from trends of history. In medieval times the common dress for males was tights
and long robes much like a dress, in the 1600’s during King Louis
time it was custom for men to wear perfumed wigs and make up. In traditional Japanes
Kabuki theater and throughout much of historical European theater, roles of
women were traditionally played by men. In many traditional aboriginal and
Native American cultures those who are born ‘different’ - what we would refer to as gay and/or transgender-
were considered sacred among their cultures. So when did we become so gender
normative obsessed? When did it become ‘normal’ for little girls to have tea
parties, dress like princesses and like pink, when did it become ‘normal’ for
little boys to like to play with toy trucks, wrestle in the dirt and like blue.
When did we become so obsessed with gender molding our children and
discouraging them from liking and doing
what the ‘other’ gender does. Our children are not born with that knowledge of
what little girls and little boys prefer, we have done that as a society. For
years we have believed that gender and sexuality was one or the other; that
whatever biological sex a baby was born with was clear cut and of course is the
gender they are going to feel like on the inside?
The Human Sexuality Spectrum is defined as a
continuum that accounts for every variation of human sexuality and identity without necessarily labeling or
defining all of them. The spectrum provides room for the idea that
sexuality/identity is loosely identifiable by specific means or measurements.
Although many people
believe that everyone is either "straight" (heterosexual) or
"gay" (homosexual), sexual orientation actually exists on a
continuum. The human sexuality spectrum
contradicts sexuality binaries as well as gender binaries that separate and
label people into masculine and feminine bodies but may also separate with
roles and attributes.
Sexuality
and gender roles have primarily been based on biological and anatomical
basis. Gender is generally legally based
on the sex organs that the individual outwardly has, in most countries of the
world if not all. Today, certain nations have opted to make provisions in their
laws giving individuals the chance to change gender based on what the
individuals believes to be, regardless of sex organs. Under the human sexuality
spectrum system, sexuality and gender roles are found on the spectrum rather
than as a choice of A or B. The spectrum
accounts for any minor variations that can be found in any given person. This
system is found to be useful for many who do not like to be limited to a label.
The pressure to place a label on a person’s sexual or gender preferences causes
stress for the person who may not fit on one of societies provided labels.
We
cannot be certain if people sit on one point of the spectrum their entire life
or if they move over time. Research does suggest that sexuality can move along
the spectrum at any given point in a person’s lifetime. in either sexual
orientation or gender identity.
In
the Our Whole Lives program, we do help define some of those more common terms
that many of us hear but don’t really know exactly what they mean. For example;
what’s the difference between being transgender and being gay? Being
transgender is about an individual’s gender identity, while being gay is about
an individual’s sexual orientation, which is our attraction to people of the
same gender, different genders or both. Gender identity and sexual orientation
are two different things. Transgender – or Trans – is an umbrella term for
people whose gender identity or expression is different from those typically
associated with the sex assigned to them at birth. Conversely, cisgender – or
cis – is the term used to describe people whose gender identity or expression
aligns with those typically associated with the sex assigned to them at birth.
Gender identity refers to a person’s innate, deeply-felt psychological
identification as a man, woman or some other gender. Gender expression refers
to the external manifestation of a person’s gender identity, which may or may
not conform to socially-defined behaviors and characteristics typically
associated with being either masculine or feminine. Biological Sex refers to
the designation of a person at birth as either "male" or
"female" based on their anatomy (e.g. reproductive organs) and/or
their biology (e.g. hormones). Gender refers to the traditional or
stereotypical roles, behaviors, activities and attributes that a given society
consider appropriate for men and women. Genderqueer is an an umbrella term for
gender identities other than man and woman. People who identify as
“genderqueer” may see themselves as being both male and female, neither male
nor female or as falling completely outside these categories. This term is used
only when an individual self-identifies as “genderqueer.” Which leads to one of
the common questions that is often asked is how do we know what pronouns
someone wants us to use? Transgender people should be identified with their
preferred pronoun. Often this is the pronoun that corresponds to the gender
with which they identify. Not sure? It’s appropriate to respectfully ask their
name and which pronouns they’d prefer. Some transgender people do not believe
in a gender binary and prefer not to use pronouns typically associated with men
(e.g. him) and women (e.g. her). Instead, they would prefer if people simply
used their names or used a non-gendered pronoun such as them or they. A common
‘belief’ or stereotype that we often hear is that transgender is a mental
disorder this is simply false.
Transgender identity is not a mental illness that can
be cured with treatment. Rather, transgender people often experience a
persistent and authentic disconnect between the sex assigned to them at birth
and their internal sense of who they are. This disconnect is referred to by
medical professionals as “gender dysphoria” because it can cause undue pain and
distress in the lives of transgender people. In December 2012, the American
Psychiatric Association announced the latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (DSM-V) would no longer include the term “gender identity
disorder.” The revised manual replaced “gender identity disorder” with the more
neutral term “gender dysphoria.”
Research says that 1 in every 100 people identify themselves
out of the ‘normal’ gender binaries. 1
in every 100, that means 1 in every 100 people is ‘different’, some we can tell
from the outside, some easy to spot, but some just barely and some you can’t
tell at all but there’s something ‘different’. 1 in every 100. Research also
says that 71% of transgender people are asked to hide their gender or gender
transition to avoid discrimination….71% of transgender people are asked to hide
who they are and not be honest with themselves and society. This is not okay!
According to 2010 census 89,667 people changed their name to a name of the
opposite gender and 21,833 changed their sex.
Our Whole Lives gives our children and members a safe
space to learn about this aspect of sexuality and to ask the questions. It also
give us, as a church, a great opportunity to teach our children how to become
accepting of the sexual spectrums and to help change society to have less obedience
to those gender normative expectations that are out there and more accepting of
healthy variation. It also gives a safe
space for all of us, no matter where we fall on the sexuality spectrum or what
our gender identities are, to be who we are - that we don’t have to hide who we
are and know we are loved and accepted.
Fashioning our hearts after the greatest example of all encompassing
love - God. We often get asked, why do
we even broach the topic of sexuality in the church, how does it fit in? If you
ask me, it is the exact perfect place for us to start the discussion and
education about sexuality and the gift of awesome diversity that God has given
us and what a loving and supportive community we should be and are. In closing I would like to share a poem that
was written for a Transgender Day of Remembrance in 2013 by Vicky Gibbs that I
believe encompasses what we try to pass on to our children, youth and members
with Our Whole Lives.
God, of all the vast varieties of humankind,
Help us to move beyond the exclusiveness of an either/or
mentality
To the inclusiveness of an all and every way of thinking.
Move us beyond binary definitions
To the mystery and complexity of your infinite creativity and
creation.
As we pause to remember those senselessly murdered because of
their all-encompassing humanity
Open hearts that need to hear
Souls that need to know
And minds that need to see
That there are no limits to you nor your creation
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