B
Transfiguration/Our Whole Lives Sunday
Deuteronomy 11:18-21; I
Corinthians 6:12, 19-20
February 15, 2015
(Ann Hanson and Kimberly Harris)
Ann Hanson~Retired, Minister of Sexuality Education and Justice,
United Church of Christ
Our
Whole Lives Trainer and Facilitator (K-1, 4-6, 7-9, Young Adult and Adult)
It will
be twenty years ago this summer. I
was finishing up a week-long program
director’s experience
at Camp Mimanagish.
It was the first time I had spent five days facilitating
and teaching human
sexuality education to
a group of about 18 high
school youth, or any
group of any age,
anywhere. The campers were writing their evaluations. One of the participants came to me and asked if she could talk. "If only I had had this information four years ago, I may not have already made some bad decisions about my sexuality."
A
little history about the United Church of Christ’s involvement in the ministry
of human sexuality education:
The
United Church of Christ, in response to the actions of General Synod and to the
needs expressed by members of United Church of Christ congregations in surveys
and personal stories, has (for well over
three decades) encouraged
churches to study human sexuality and has published, along with our UUA
partners, comprehensive life-span sexuality resources (Our Whole Lives –
Sexuality and Our Faith) that brings the ministry of sexuality education to
United Church of Christ members (and others) of all ages.
Our
Whole Lives is a resource that is used in both faith and secular settings
throughout the country. It is deeply embedded with values, but does not contain
references to any particular faith. When Our Whole Lives is used in a faith
community, another resources – Sexuality and Our Faith – is added so that
participants can merge their understanding of faith and spirituality with
sexuality.
We
live in a world that is deeply conflicted about human
sexuality. Many of our parents and grandparents
continue to be reluctant
to address issues of sexuality with
their children and grandchildren. And,
many of us may have a deep-seeded fear of talking about sexuality with anyone! Some
people quake at the fear of their child being sexual (which is funny because they are born sexual) and want to postpone sexuality education as long as possible. What Our Whole Lives facilitators tell parents is that their children, at earlier and earlier ages, are
being educated:
daily images and messages they receive (from the internet, advertising, TV,
movies, magazine, books and friends) influence how they see themselves and how
they relate to others as human beings in the fullest sense. Silence about
sexuality in the home is a lesson. A
child learns that “It’s
not okay to talk about here.”
We encourage parents of young children to start
sexuality education early. Do not wait for children, pre-teens or
teens to
ask a question! One of my dear friends came to me one day and said she was
still waiting for her son to ask her questions
about sex. “Remind me, how
old is your son?” “Thirty-five. I guess I’ve waited too long.”
The use of Our Whole Lives—Sexuality and Our Faith, gives all
people a profound opportunity to grow in their faith and put their values into
practice. These resources seek to nurture religious community and provide
avenues for spiritual growth, prophetic visions and action for justice. They
promote the worth and dignity of every participant and are grounded in and
intentionally expressive of our faith and faith tradition. Yes,
sexuality education is a ministry. It
is a ministry of meeting people of all ages where they are and leading them to where God wants them to be.
While
many are leaving sexuality education up to the media, we, In the UCC, are
providing a sexuality education ministry that is life-affirming and
life-saving. Yes, Our Whole Lives provides an antidote to a culture that is
saturated with mixed messages and misinformation about sexuality.
Rev.
James B. Nelson, in his book, Between
Two Gardens, (pg.9) writes, “The movement toward a more healed, wholistic spirituality and the movement toward a more healed, wholistic sexuality cannot be separated. It is not just that they ought not to be separated, quite literally they cannot be. One is necessary to the other. They are inseparable
elements of full personhood.”
“The links between sexuality and spirituality are
profound…the journey of discovery is a promising one for those who believe that
the Word is still made flesh in order that we might have life and have it more
abundantly." (pg. 15)
We become fully embodied when there is no separation
between spirituality and sexuality.
The
building blocks, the values of Our Whole Lives emphasize and underscore the values
of love, mutuality, self-worth, health, responsibility, justice and inclusivity. Again, incorporating Sexuality and Our Faith into the Our Whole Lives program, children youth, young adults and older adults become accustomed to thinking of sexuality and
spirituality as inseparable. Using
these values, Our Whole lives help parents in their role as the primary
sexuality educators of their children and create partnerships between families
and the church through parent orientation and parent education programs.
My
experience in the
mountains is related
to Transfiguration Sunday. My good friend, Rev. Kate Huey, writing in the UCC’s
Sermon Seeds reminds us that Mountaintop experiences are part of the life of
faith. "There are times when we feel lifted up, taken to a place a little closer to God and God's glory. There are times when we feel we are hearing God speaking to us, telling us things, giving us direction, comfort, joy. These times, alas, do not come often, no matter how
much we long for them. We live our lives mostly down here on the ground,
unaware of the wondrous, transformative power of God at work in the world,
especially in the life of the church.”
Our
Whole Lives – Sexuality and Our Faith helps bring our ‘mountain top’ experiences with us as we live and work and love on
the ‘ground.’
As
I’ve continued my ministry of sexuality education over the past twenty years,
after I’ve facilitated and trained, presented and lobbied, been with hundreds
of humans of all ages in numerous settings, I believe now, more than ever before
that offering comprehensive, age-appropriate sexuality education is one of the best gifts we will ever give our young
children, youth and adults. It
gives everyone the tools to be co-creators with God as we experience
transformation in ourselves, in our church and in the world.
Kimberly
Harris
Youth
and Young Adult Minister, Billings First Church
I was blessed enough to be a senior high camper at that
camp that Ann referred to and to this day out of 10 years of camps that I
attended as a youth camper that is the only one for which I remember the
program theme. And the one that my group
of camp friends and I still talk about. I
remember being at that camp and being alarmed and nervous about the program
when the theme of sexuality and self-love was presented to us. I remember blushing and looking around the room
at my friends. And coming from the
conservative Congregational church and upbringing that I came from that meeting
thinking, “Was it ok for us to talk about sex in the setting of ‘church’ camp?”
and yet interested and intrigued all the same time.
Ann and Ronda soon made us all feel comfortable at
the sexuality education levels that we were all, individually, at, and helped
put the fears aside. And made it ok to
talk about sexuality.
In fact, it was quite the opposite. After that first evening of program, we
quickly realized that we were in the perfect setting to be learning and
discussing this topic. We don’t remember
the camp because it was wrong or horrible to talk about the subject of sex and
loving one’s self, but because it gave us a safe place to learn and talk about
a subject that most of us were not talking about at home or didn’t feel like we
had safe adults to talk about it. It
gave us not only the safe space, but the perfect adults to talk to with
accurate and correct information. And it
also gave us the comfort of our peers and life-long friends to explore this
topic through discussion and questions.
No matter what age group we are teaching, K-2, 4-6,
7-9, or 10-12, the classes always start with a parent orientation session. One of the exercises at that orientation is
to ask the parents what kind of sexuality education they received growing up
and if it was something their parents talked to them about and how they wanted
their children’s sexuality education to be different.
I often tell the story about my sex talk with my
parents. My dad never uttered the word
around us let alone talked about the subject in detail, and the extent of my
conversations with my mom involved one evening I was sitting up sick with
her. And we were both sitting in the
dark, and I’m not even sure of what we were talking about leading up to the
questions. But she, at one point, asked,
“You know you wait until marriage, right?”
And I simply replied, “Yes.” And that was that!
And until odd enough a couple of years ago I went
through secondary Our Whole Lives (OWL) facilitator training with my mother and
sister we never uttered a word about the topic.
Now let me tell you. Nothing will
get you more comfortable teaching about human sexuality like having to teach a
class that includes your mother and sharing how to put on a condom with your
sister as your teaching partner.
I am often asked about the youth ministry I do in
the churches and with the conference and why OWL, and I always answer the same
way. If Our Whole Lives was the only
thing I did as my ministry, I would be ahead of the game. And we, as a church family, would be giving a
life-long gift to our children, youth, and families.
In the last seven year, between our two UCC churches
and the Unitarian Church in Billings, we have provided, Our Whole Lives classes
to over 125 youth K-12 grade. We have
provided our families and children with a safe place to explore education around
human sexuality. And we identify adults
that are safe for our youth to ask questions of. This has also allowed families to strengthen
their relationships.
Just like faith formation starts at home, the most
important faith formation leaders in our children’s lives should be and will be
the parents and families. OWL does a
great job with the expectation that the parents and families should and will be
the most important sexuality educators.
Our own Norsworthy family is one of our more active
families in the OWL program. I asked
Jase and Karen to share a little testimony with us on what OWL has meant to
their family. Here is what they had to
say.
All three of the Norsworthy kids have gone through the OWL program. Owen’s been through the program as a 5th
and 7th grader, and he’ll go through again at some point during high
school. Charlie went through as a 5th
grader and Addison, who was 6, has been through the younger kid program. Both of them . . . we intend to take the
older classes as they reach them.
When OWL began, we were admittedly a bit apprehensive about exposing Owen
to any sort of detail as it related to sex.
Was knowledge somehow a green light? Were we somehow endorsing sex
through open sexual education? The
answer has been: Absolutely not! T
The OWL program, while direct in many ways, helps kids peel away the
layers of misinformation and learn the truth at an age appropriate level, but
it’s true definition is so much more!
“O” is for outstanding, on-going, open-minded, and opportunity. “W” is for without prejudice, wide-reaching,
wholehearted. And “L” is for lasting,
learning, and lines of communication.
For all of our concerns, when Owen started the OWL program, he is now way
more rounded when it comes to sexual education than most young adults are. I would argue, in fact, that Owen is better
educated than any other kid his age in high school. And he’s responsible about it. OWL has opened up his communication, and it
has enabled us, as parents, to talk about sex in a non-threatening way. Where we might have otherwise been ostriches
with our heads in the sand, we now have an open line of communication. It’s been good for our relationship because
we can talk about it with him. Even with
our younger two, the topic is not taboo.
We were afraid it would open up a can of worms, but instead, it has
opened a door that otherwise would have been a real challenge.
We are thankful OWL has presented our children with factual, correct, and
appropriate information. We are thankful
that OWL is Christian-based, teaching that, above all, our bodies and ourselves
are a gift from God and should be respected, appreciated, and loved. We are thankful that we have been asked
questions by our children that we never would have had the courage to ask
growing up. And I am thankful that we
have been able to answer those questions, honestly, openly, and factually. We are thankful to the trained teachers of
the OWL program for creating a trusting, safe, and open environment for the
children and families in the program.
This is
just one of many testimonies I hear from families. One of the things I love about the OWL
program is the holistic approach it takes to sexuality and the life-long skills
it provides, including providing the youth with the tools to identify and
participate in healthy relationships—not only romantically, but also with
friendship and family units.
The
other theme that I love that runs through all age groups, like Jase and Karen
stated, is the importance of good communication skills. OWL provides the youth with the ability to
make smart, healthy decisions that are right for them, but also gives them the
tools to use if they are ever in the situation that a not so right decision was
made. It helps them work through the
consequences of that wrong decision and also gives them the trusted adults that
they can turn to—including their families.
I have
had more than one youth, now young adult, tell me that it has amazed them how
many times the voices of their OWL facilitators pop into their head when faced
with a not so healthy situation. I love
seeing the “Aha!” moments on the children’s faces when they learn something new
or something from the class sings in.
Like Ann
stated, “There are so many negative images and messages our youth have to deal
with in today’s society, including television, music, and the internet. That, in a way, we have become immune to
those messages.
One of
mine and the Jr. High and High Schooler’s favorite activities is one of the
very first workshops of the class. They
are broken into small groups and given sheets of paper with a medically correct
term written at the top where the teams are asked to list any and every slang
term they know for the word. As the
activity continues, all groups will eventually have the words for female and
male anatomy, including penis and vagina.
And after all groups share their lists of slang terms it then turns into
a discussion about how most slang for male anatomy is uplifting and boastful
about manhood, and yet most of the slang terms for the female anatomy are
shaming and derogatory towards women.
They
also have the kids try and list slang terms for other anatomical parts like
knee. And that’s when you see the light
bulb go on. When they can’t name any
slang terms for those body parts or when they can only name one or two slang
terms for heterosexuality . . . and then when given the word “homosexuality”,
the kids can’t even bear to write any of the slang terms down, let alone say
them out loud because they are so hurtful and derogatory. And the discussion revolving around they that
is, is so amazing and affirming of again why everyone should have the
opportunity to go through this program.
We have
been so blessed here in Billings that our youth, and hopefully in the not so
far future our young adults and adults, have had and will continue to have this
opportunity to engage. As the Youth
Director of the Montana-Northern Wyoming Conference of the UCC, it breaks my
heart to talk with the other churches and youth around the State and realize
how much they could benefit from this program as well if it were offered.
I have
often wished I could clone myself to go teach a course at Red Lodge or Colstrip
or Great Falls. It breaks my heart that
I have seen so many youth grow up and not be able to benefit from this program
when I know how much it would have helped them.
It also breaks my heart and infuriates me when the youth tell me about
the sexuality or lack of sexuality education they receive in school.
It has
been my long-time hope and goal that we could have OWL in not only all of our
Montana-Northern Wyoming Conference UCC churches, but also offer it to the
wider Billings community. And, who
knows, maybe someday even other Montana communities.
We are
slowly taking steps towards that. And
how amazing would it be if this church was on the forefront of this movement?
We are
planning on hosting a Conference-wide 10,11,12 grade Our Whole Lives this
spring that we are hoping will catch all the other active conference youth and
campers that have not yet gone through the program.
Ann and
I, along with two colleagues from the Unitarian Church, will be holding an OWL
facilitator training for elementary and secondary age groups the first weekend
in May in Bozeman, Montana. I encourage
of any of you that feel a call towards this most important ministry to chat
with me about how we can get you to this training. The more facilitators and teachers we have
the more youth will benefit from this program.
Our Young
Adults Camp this year will have Our Whole Lives for the program as well and we
are looking into faith formation for young adults next program year.
I’m also
exploring ways to hold classes hear at the church for various community groups
from Billings. I have upcoming meetings
with executives from Family Promise and the Womens’ and Families’ Shelter to
see what our opportunities there might be.
I would
also love to chat with anyone that has other ideas on how to more broadly get
OWL into the community. This truly is
one of the most important ministries our church can be a part of, and I hope
that you are all able to share this vision with me and the other staff.
